I have found that getting over a man or through a break-up is ALOT like recovering from a drug addiction or breaking a spritual strong-hold.
In my past, I have found that using a sturdy "12 step program " which includes prayer, family, girl-friend bonding, self-esteem boosters and focusing on things other than men (not to mention all the Mary J. Blige you can download)--will get you the closure you so desperately need. However, what do you do for a divorce or a committed relationship wherein you share a child (dogs, cats and other pets don't count; yeesh). Ironically, if the reason that you are breaking up with the other person is due to lack of good spousal and/or parenting skills-- then breaking up for the sake of your child is somewhat re-freshing and all "Woman thou art lossed". However, what if; above all else the man you are having difficulties with is a GOOD father? You know: the homework, bedtime stories, dancing around the house, daddy's princess, protective and bill paying type of man most women dream of? which means you CAN'T get rid of him (being a dead beat is NOT an option for this kind of man, he'll do anything to see his child. or worse yet, anything for you just because you have his child-- which isn't all that bad)
Do you leave, or do you stick it out? do you hand over your man on a platter, or do you RING THE ALARM?!!
Some of my relatives, and close friends: "what's the problem?; sounds like a catch to me--you just picky", but what about if he wasn't faithful--or worse doesn't really know how to be a good husband or loving man?!! (eh, hem: he's a cheater.... ) Now, still, for some women this is not an issue so long as they never ACTUALLY see it (the cheating), are confronted by it or have to defend their relationship because of it.
As crazy as it may sound, there is an epidemic in black America where the strong, good woman, with good principal, morals, and spirituality (eh, hem a good christian gal brought up in the right household, under the right cultual traditions, etc.) GETS NOWHERE!!!!. she's often the Kendra Moore, ok bad example.
They end up like: Keshia Knight Pulliam absolutely FLAWLESS and un-wed. There are a host of historic/academic, psuedo-science, pop Psyche and "KULTURAL" reasons why this could be the case; yet down here in the trenches the overall reason is: Good girls are too bourgeois, stuck-up and generally want too much,you know: marriage, loyalty, growth and solidarity. The result: the girl whom most woment where raised NOT to be: the homewrecker, promiscuos, lack of dating standards, having 5 baby daddies, no education; generational welfare recipient with a REALLY bad marijuana habbit and a host of other stereo-typical pathologies such as having no father figure or lack of employment skills, etc. ends up with a man!!! ANd not just any man, maybe your man or "a good man"!!!
Do you know why? , no really that's my question--can anybody tell me why?
Well popular theories are that the girl with the Mrs. Piggy false eyelashes, 20 tatooes and 3 or more kids is a whole lot easier to deal with because she's appreciative of the little things...generally her lower standards are easily met AND exceeded. This being a HUGE ego booster for the over concentration of insecure men in 2013.
Cultural critics and black american authors like Michael Eric Dyson or even Steve Harvey have tried to examine or rectify this pathology, but, to no avail, the sad reality is that egotistical, sexist, misogynistic, paternalistic attitudes may be here to stay--the only thing any sane woman can do is turn up the Erykah Badu and/or Keyshia Cole, enjoy her successes and love them until they grow up and love you back even though: ain't nobody got time for that!
No comments:
Post a Comment