GOSSIP!!!

How do you stop gossiping? Somebody please HELP ME!
I literally prayed for God to deliver me from gossip and give me control over my tongue and the conversations that I take part in..  Naturally, this would mean changing my environment and being ANNOYINGLY positive. Quite frankly it’s how you go from being ‘real’ to ‘FAKE” in about 2 seconds.

Well, the first thing that happened is God allowed for me to be the ‘talk of the town’---what better way to quiet my indulgence about other people than to put me right into the HOT SEAT.  Well, I’m still in the hot seat but my situation is on a slow simmer these days (everybody’s waiting to prove themselves right and say: I told you!)… However, my sister-cousin is boilin’ HOT this week.  And who better to tell it than my boyfriend?  The interesting thing here, is that he has been the center of A LOT of girl talks for about 3 ½ years now so he couldn’t wait to point a few things out—but he was really calling to alert me that I may have get some bail money together.. 

Let’s just say it was a domestic situation involving someone I love, her significant other and his WIFE (uh, yeah she’s dating and living with a married man)--so this was juicy! In sort,  involved some punches being thrown, some ripped off shirts and a high speed car chase.  Needless to say, the phone calls and text messages just flowed in!!! Everyone with their different versions and what they would have done differently given the chance ( alot of GIRLLLL it couldn't na been me... ), but then I realized --- none of us were there and sometimes what can appear to the world as fear is really just the evidence of you growing up and most importantly becoming a better Christian.

For instance, when my mess hit the fan and the man I love came to me with some news that threatened to undue our family… MY aunties, cousins and friends had plenty of opinions but the ones heard the loudest were the most negative ones. It seemed as though whenever I defended my relationship or my desire to stay with in my relationship… the nay-sayers called for reinforcements!!! I know they were doing it because they love me and they only want the best for me… but I chose to forgive.. and most importantly I just stopped talking about with them.   I don’t know what my sister is up to.. but I’ll bet what we all believe to be her losing her mind and her pride is just God working a few things out in her.

In all of my years I have toggled back and forth on whether writing or being an author is ‘my calling’ or just something that I have little talent for doing well.  Could I be inspiring, or boring---offensive or funny?

Then, somewhere between falling in love for the first time and the romanticism of being happy (whatever that is, lol) I found that I had lost my voice.

Somehow along the way I became extremely cynical and bitter about religion, my Christian up-bringing, politics and race; basically: everything.

So in an effort to recapture that voice and find my passion I will post a very special piece.  It was inspired by Zora Neale Hurston, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”.   It’s mostly poetic, but if you can decipher the meaning you will find that it is an abstract or rather an introduction that is to precede one of the chapter’s in my novel wherein, I am describing young girls watching young boys in the summertime.  This is basically how I wanted to describe the juxtaposition of being young with reality of being an African American in a racial society.

Blue skinned and black blooded. Ugly in all their splendor,[and] beautiful.  The Son had licked their bodies dark while us gazed upon them in the summer heat, ignoring their presence.

Oppression had long crawled into our skin and colored us Black. Us unaware of white were made ignorant and innocent. 

Ring the alarm--I'm staying!! (a medley)

I have found that getting over a man or through a break-up is ALOT like recovering from a drug addiction or breaking a spritual strong-hold. 

In my past, I have found that using a sturdy "12 step program " which includes  prayer, family, girl-friend bonding, self-esteem boosters and focusing on things other than men (not to mention all the Mary J. Blige you can download)--will get you the closure you so desperately need.  However, what do you do for a divorce or a committed relationship wherein you share a child (dogs, cats and other pets don't count; yeesh).  Ironically, if the reason that you are  breaking up with the other person is due to lack of good spousal and/or parenting skills-- then breaking up for the sake of your child is somewhat re-freshing and all "Woman thou art lossed".  However, what if; above all else the man you are having difficulties with is a GOOD father? You know: the homework, bedtime stories, dancing around the house, daddy's princess, protective and bill paying type of man most women dream of? which means you CAN'T get rid of him (being a dead beat is NOT an option for this kind of man, he'll do anything to see his child. or worse yet, anything for you just because you have his child-- which isn't all that bad)

Do you leave, or do you stick it out? do you hand over your man on a platter, or do you RING THE ALARM?!!

Some of my relatives, and close friends: "what's the problem?; sounds like a catch to me--you just picky", but what about if he wasn't faithful--or worse doesn't really know how to be a good husband or loving man?!!  (eh, hem: he's a cheater.... )  Now, still, for some women this is not an issue so long as they never ACTUALLY see it (the cheating), are confronted by it or have to defend their relationship because of it.

As crazy as it may sound, there is an epidemic in black America where the strong, good woman, with good principal, morals, and spirituality (eh, hem a good christian gal brought up in the right household, under the right cultual traditions, etc.) GETS NOWHERE!!!!. she's often the Kendra Moore, ok bad example. 

They end up like: Keshia Knight Pulliam absolutely FLAWLESS and un-wed. There are a host of historic/academic, psuedo-science, pop Psyche and "KULTURAL" reasons why this could be the case; yet down here in the trenches the overall reason is: Good girls are too bourgeois, stuck-up and generally want too much,you know: marriage, loyalty, growth and solidarity. The result: the girl whom most woment where raised NOT to be: the homewrecker, promiscuos, lack of dating standards, having 5 baby daddies, no education;  generational welfare recipient with a REALLY bad marijuana habbit and a host of other stereo-typical pathologies such as having no father figure or lack of employment skills, etc. ends up with a man!!! ANd not just any man, maybe your man or "a good man"!!!

Do you know why? , no really that's my question--can anybody tell me why?
Well popular theories are that the girl with the Mrs. Piggy false eyelashes, 20 tatooes and 3 or more kids is a whole lot easier to deal with because she's appreciative of the little things...generally her lower standards are easily met AND exceeded.  This being a HUGE ego booster for the over concentration of insecure men in 2013.

Cultural critics and black american authors like Michael Eric Dyson or even Steve Harvey have tried to examine or rectify this pathology, but, to no avail, the sad reality is that egotistical, sexist, misogynistic, paternalistic attitudes may be here to stay--the only thing any sane woman can do is turn up the Erykah Badu and/or Keyshia Cole, enjoy her successes and love them until they grow up and love you back even though: ain't nobody got time for that!